Yes, it actually does take a village to raise a child

Amy Poehler's speech, thanking Time magazine for naming her one of the year's top 100 most influential people, starts out funny and quickly gets serious:

But tonight, I’m genuinely very humbled and honored to be part of this evening, so I would like to take my remaining minute to um … I have thought very hard and long about what has influenced me over the past couple of years, and since I have been at this dinner in 2008, I have given birth to two boys and I’ve left Saturday Night Live and I started my own TV show, and it’s been a crazy couple of years, and I thought who besides Madam Secretary Clinton and Lorne Michaels have influenced me? And it was the women who helped me take care of my children. It is Jackie Johnson from Trinidad and it is Dawa Chodon from Tibet, who come to my house and help me raise my children. And for you working women who are out there tonight who get to do what you get to do because there are wonderful people who help you at home, I would like to take a moment to thank those people, some of whom are watching their children right now, while you’re at this event. Those are people who love your children as much as you do, and who inspire them and influence them and on behalf of every sister and mother and person who stands in your kitchen and helps you love your child, I say thank you and I celebrate you tonight.

I love seeing a successful woman, particularly a celebrity, acknowledging and thanking the people who help her look after her children. More women need to do this. More men need to do this.

(via Crooked House)

Happy Birthday, S

We're celebrating Miss S's birthday today!  My "baby" is 9 years old, only one year away from double-digits.

S is a unique, wonderful mix of funny, vibrant, intense, & joyful. She has created the most unique dance that we have dubbed "the Sarah dance".  Being keenly aware that she is indeed #4, Sarah fights for attention without apology. She makes everyone around her laugh.  She also gives 110% to everything-- and is fighting like crazy to overcome some challenges in writing and reading. By far the most imaginative of my kids, she stretches this creativity to make the most funky and neat projects and creations.

I know she hurts sometimes and wishes for her family to be whole.  However, she has a lot of love from me (and from her dad).  There are many special friends in her life who love her.  Maybe it's the bond of having nursed her for so long (ok, well long for my babies, I consider 7 months a *really* long time), but she and I share a very special connection, too.

I know I have the option of having another baby, but today I just want to think about Little Miss S and remember that the day she was born was one of the happiest days of my life (ok, minus the lack of an immediate post-delivery morphine drip at MAH).  Sharing her birth day with my dear friend that evening in person, and with others on the phone, are all fond memories.   She brings so much love and light into our family's world, I can't imagine my life without her in it.   Happy 9th Birthday, S.

(Cut and pasted from last year's birthday post)

Just some bowling-- putting autism in its place

Today, Andrew bowled a strike.  It was with bumpers in place and with a candlepin ball, but it made him so very happy. Truthfully,  I have never bowled a strike so I am impressed :-)

Earlier this week, Andrew asked why his big sister refused to forgive him after he apologized to her for invading her privacy.  He is learning what empathy is. At age 11.5, living with autism, he is meeting the social and emotional milestones of a child much younger. And I couldn't be more proud of him.

I remember the day he first said "I love you" back to me like it was yesterday.  He was 5.  I was tucking him into his top bunk bed and said, as I did every day, "I love you Andrew".  His little voice said "I love you Mommy".  It's cliche, I was so happy to hear those three little words from him for the first time, I cried after I left the room. I was both amazed and humbled by the power of his words, after years of speech therapy and the methodical teaching we know works best for children with autism.

As I look at this boy/young man, I feel blessed to be his mom.  I feel in both ways angry at and bad for his autism.  We play the "two steps forward, one step back" game, always have and always will.  Do I love him in a different way than I love my daughters? Truthfully, yes. Do I worry about him and what his future will hold more? Yes.  Am I forever grateful he has three sisters who I trust will always be there to help him reach his goals far into the future when I can no longer care for him? Yes, he may drive them crazy at times, but they are fiercely protective of their brother.

Today, bowling made Andrew happy and he felt successful. Taking it one day at a time is all we can do when the "enemy" (the A word is what Sarah calls it) is so powerful and takes hold at erratic times and makes things so damn hard for him, and for our family.  So, we carry on and celebrate the small victories.  Every night before bed I tell him, "I love you, Andrew".  His response: "I love you, Mom".  That is a gift I hold close to my heart.

A special weekend with a special girl

This whirlwind weekend ended with a very special (and incredibly rare) Mom and Sarah day.  When you have four children, time alone with any of them is precious, but Sarah is probably the one kid who really needs the 1:1 attention, extra love, and hugs.

We started the day with a lovely walk around Horn Pond. I pushed strollers with all my kids in them around the Pond, dozens if not hundreds of times. Sarah and I talked about the memories she had as a toddler and preschooler of the pond: the ducks, the rock that looks like a big chair that I have dozens of pictures of the kids and their friends sitting on throughout the years.  There is a lion sculpture Sarah used to like to climb on.  No longer does she climb it, but she wanted to go see it.  Sadly, the statue of an Indian where the path goes into the woods was stolen a while back, but where it stood is some hilly terrain which Sarah wanted to climb and walk parallel to the paved path.  My friend Carol ran by and said hello there, reminding me of one the the reasons I most love Horn Pond, seeing old friends. There is never a trip, except for the rare early morning one, where I don't run into someone I know and like.

As we approached the halfway point, one of the trails veered off to the right towards the path to the top of Horn Pond Mountain. The kids and I have climbed that hill dozens of times, but there are lots of memories there, not all good, so we managed to keep walking around the Pond, checking out the ducks and swans. (And, come on, who the heck named it Horn Pond Mountain? It's a little hill).

Sarah felt accomplished after we finished our walk.  We decided to take advantage of our small party size and head to Tu Y Yo, our most favorite brunch locale.  We talked, we laughed, and we enjoyed some really yummy food (chilaquiles, sopes, and flautas).  She confided her fears, her hopes, and her dreams, and I shared some of mine as well.

The only bump in the road of the day was that our appointment to get our nails done was a small catastrophe.  No matter what time you book, they are never on time, and today they really weren't good to Sarah (typically, they are great to kids).  The only upside of the experience was running into an old friend from high school (ironically, this was the second time I had seen her in 15 years, both times at this nail salon), and catching up.

When it was time for our time to be over (shared custody can be a bitch), there were lots of tears from my baby girl, about to turn 9 on April 23rd.  In turn, my eyes watered a bit, too.  I can hardly believe it has been nearly a decade since I gave birth to this amazing little girl who is full of spunk and has enough personality to star in a variety show.  I am very blessed to have had this time with her (which came a day after a small, but super-fun birthday party playing laser tag).

I love you, Sarah Johanna.

Happy Birthday Party S

We had a fabulous, small birthday celebration with two friends from church in honor of S's 9th birthday at Laser Craze. As much fun was had by the adults as the kids and all my daughters had a blast. We are fortunate to have a small group of wonderful friends and seeing Sarah so happy makes my heart smile.


S struggles mightily with self-confidence and seeing her so alive was enough to remind me that all the special times and events she gets to be a part of help her self-esteem. School is not going well for her, she is just a sponge for attention.

Having Andrew not there was a relief, as much as it breaks my heart a little to know all the kids can't
celebrate together.  (He had a great time at the zoo.)


All in all, what a lovely day!