Andrew is a quirky kid. After he attempted to pat our one remaining cat, Maddie, he declared to me, "Maddie snazzed at me." "What on earth is a snazz?", I wondered. I asked Andrew to demonstrate, and he makes a hissing sound and face. Apparently, Maddie asserts herself when Andrew gets too close or too rough. I think the term "snazz" is hilarious- I love these "Andrew-isms".
The progress he has made is wonderful to see, but the increases in behaviors and anxiety, both of which seem to have peaked in the past few months, are painful to witness. From the ear-piercing screams, to the anxiety-ridden few hours before a transition, to the complete disgust he has for his sister which manifests anytime he is alone with her (and an adult) in the house ("it's Andrew and Sarah time"- yelled frantically followed by stimming) it sometimes looks like he is crawling out of his own skin. He doesn't have any friends either. The lack of social reciprocity is much starker now that he is a 4th grader.
In some ways, maybe the autism has been a blessing. He has been unaware of a lot of challenges and stressors, in stark contrast to his sisters. His future is something I have been doing a lot of thinking about recently. Will he be able to take care of himself independently? Will he go to college? What kind of job will he have? Gone are the hopes he would "lose the diagnosis", as I was told he might many times when he was younger.
I'll hold onto the moments Andrew wants to talk and engages in wonderful conversations, the times he crawls into bed next to me for a snuggle, or when he spouts off his "Andrew-isms". There is an amazing little boy inside whose autism sometimes holds him hostage.
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