Just a day

It's the eve of my birthday.  When you are a grown-up not celebrating a birthday ending in a "0", it is just another day.  That is, it's meaningless unless you have a calendar-obsessed autistic kiddo.  Heck, being a single mom offers few opportunities for celebration for most of us, so if my kids want to celebrate me and make an attempt to bake a cake or write cute cards, I'll take it.

For the past decade, there have been homemade cards from the kids, dinners filled with good food and better drinks to go along with the good friends, and even some generous gifts.   I'll let myself indulge in remembering a meaningful and loving birthday five years ago.   (There have been the duds, as well, those being the nights I spent home alone).  For many years, my group of girlfriends celebrated everyone's special day with a dinner out.  In 2000, my preemie baby girl was still in the hospital on September 30th.  My dear friends decided I needed some cheering up and took me out to dinner, with the night ending with a visit to the NICU. 

A meal I don't have to cook and a margarita attached to good friends is the plan for tomorrow night.  IF the (brave) sitter shows up, IF the kids don't freak out when she gets here, IF Andrew's autism doesn't blow it all.

My ex-husband has been taunting me on a frequent basis in recent weeks.  A zinger he sent a few days ago: "I am truly sorry you are lonely".  I laughed.  For what it's worth, he always stunk at birthdays, anyways.  Maybe he gave up porn and other women for the day in honor of my birthday :-)  In reality, I have more important things to focus my energies and time on than the man who hurt me, hurt our children, and finally hurt me in front of our children.

Tomorrow morning, I begin my birth day (which is not even my real birthday, but that is a whole other story) entering the world of civilized warfare that special education dispute resolution is.  I'll connect with a dear friend whose life mirrors mine, have lunch with my surrogate "pseudo-mom", check the mailbox for cards and not be disappointed the one I want to be there won't be, and hug my kids more than they want to be hugged.

Maybe the day will include good chocolate, good wine, and a Yankee Candle.  I know it will include being around the people I love the most: Julia, Andrew, Emily, and Sarah.  That, along with seeing dear friends, is really the best gift in the world.