There have been lots of "happiness"experiments the past few years-- some successful, others not. Come to figure out that exercise (that endorphin thing...) plays a big role in my physical and emotional health. But--- downhill skiing will never be my thing as I can't seem to conquer my fear of heights (and ski lifts!). In contrast, I realized that cross-country skiing, especially with a friend in tow, is a lot of fun. Also not my "cup of tea", outdoor activities where there is no electricity or real bathrooms. Almost as a (physical and mental) challenge to myself, I took up biking. Through this, I realized that biking far away from cars is best for everyone's safety's sake. But I am having a blast riding and exploring.
Alas, I have concluded that I never have been, and never will be, someone who is "artsy and crafty" and can find her way around Michaels or AC Moore with so much as a clue. Scrapbooking became another (expensive!) failure.
On the other hand, I can do 6000 pounds of weight resistance/lifting in an hour and feel great about it afterwards, something I never did before. Going to the gym a few years ago meant using the treadmill or the bike, or it was just doing a yoga DVD in my living room. Now, it's about working on my core and strength, in addition to the cardio stuff. I'm loving it!
Working & volunteering has provided much happiness recently in my life. I get a real high (there go those endorphins again...) when things go well and I am able to help a kid with special needs. Today, I was told a district with a reputation for being pig-headed and stubborn, was either very impressed or very scared of me. LOL. Kids get what they need with my help. I have a job where I don't just push paper around (no offense to those of you who do).
My kids provide me with enormous joy. Seeing the amazing people they are, and knowing they are growing up with the guidance of a mother, and others, who love them unconditionally, is humbling. But, also knowing they they don't always like me because of the limits I impose, makes me happy. I don't want to raise spoiled kids and I don't want to raise mean kids (you know those kids, the ones who throw rocks and sticks at the other kids and turn into bullies). If I am doing a respectable job balancing all the things one is supposed to provide their children, most of all love and stability, I can be happy. (Notice I am trying very hard to stay away from the a-word: "autism"?. Parenting a child with a disability, while finding happiness at the same time, is something my friends like Sue Senator do much better than I.)
Getting pets has made me happy. My cats are sweet, playful, and mellow. My previous experiments with animal ownership had been pathetic-- fish that died quickly (how do you kill a betta fish???). The kitties make my heart smile on the days I don't get to see the kids. Bonus: they are always up for a snuggle.
Being happy doesn't mean you're perfect. In fact, I love how the author writes about how all her quirks play into who she is. Being a completely imperfect person who has not always treated people the way I want to be treated makes me normal. It doesn't make me happy to know I've not always been the person I wanted to be, but it does make me happy to know that you learn from the past as you move forward.
What truly makes me happy? The entire concept of "paying it forward" does. Passing on the love and support shown to me, or resources, to make someone else who needs them. Maybe more than me, maybe not- that part is irrelevant. Oftentimes, you can pay it forward with your knowledge. I think of the countless families I have just talked to about how to help their kids, never actually being hired, and the many families who I have provided pro-bono or reduced fee services to. Hopefully, my time has made their journeys a bit less rocky.
Having been hurt, and knowing how awful that feels, makes me strive to do things which will brighten someone else's day, will help them through a personal struggle, or might just make them smile. Sometimes just listening to someone can markedly improve their day. I'd like to think I have played some small role in healing rifts in relationships some friends have had. Lesson number one in my own personal quest for happiness as it relates to my friends' lives: if they are in a bad relationship, I need to set limits or else one can *easily* get drawn into someone else's life and drama. But, you can always listen and choose to dispense advice (sometimes requested, sometimes not).
I am blessed to be able to offer gifts. No, never large sums of money. Rather, my time and a listening ear. I'd like to think that what makes me happy is being a good friend. The enormous joy that my friends, my "chosen family" if you will, bring to me is something which has been sustaining through even the darkest days of the past few years. (Part of me remains confused by how the best of friends, be it platonic ones or romantic ones, can just disappear from your life without warning. Life is too SHORT for regret.)
How do you define happiness in your life? What could you do to smile more, feel less stressed, and be happier? Think about it.
I'm not there yet, far from it probably and the last 4 years almost to the date have been an uphill climb, but I'm certainly working on it... Ironically, the simple act of "helping" those 4 years ago is what caused a lot of unhappiness in the long run. Rest assured, there are lots of things which make my heart smile that I never thought would and some things which I thought I needed to be happy which apparently I *can* live without.
Happiness is a gift I try to give to myself. It's a gift I hope I provide to my kids. It's a work in progress... but my happiness project is underway...
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